Two for one is not always cool.

I feel like I have been socked in the stomach.  You all know that my BFF is sick and I am totally afraid of losing her.  Now it has finally hit me that I am not only going to lose her but I am also losing my Aunt.

Tina and her Mean doggy

 I love my aunt as much as I love my mom.
 She was the fun aunt.
 She was the one that you would go to if you were in trouble or wanted to get into trouble.

I was asked today by my mom if I could go with her and find something that we can lay her to "sleep" in forever.  She kinda caught me off guard.  Isn't that something that her son is supposed to do?  I am going to have to help my mom and my grandma plan a funeral for a daughter, sister, mom, aunt, and friend to so many.  So many that haven't seen her since she got sick.

My husband asked me tonight why we were having a closed casket?  Well because if someone wanted to see her they should have given her the respect to see her now when it counts.  I for one don't want people coming in and gawking at her when she is finally at peace.  No one goes to see her now.  My mom, my grandma, me, and sometimes when he can my uncle.  Her son has came down to see her twice in two years.  He doesn't care about anything but getting his grubby little hands on what she has left.

My Aunt Tina and Cousin Kelly.

I don't know if I will be able to do any of this sober.  I pray that I can but as I write this I am falling apart.  I am so very scared of losing her and T.G. at the same time.  I don't think that as strong of a person that I am that I will be ok after that.

My aunt when I was around 16 thought that it would be funny to come up to my cousin's room with some wild turkey and give me and Christi a shot of it.  Wow that was some nasty shit.  She was also the one that let me stay with her during the summer of 94' when I went to band camp at SFA.  If she wouldn't have let me stay with her I wouldn't have been able to go.  Thank you TT for being there for me and showing me that sometimes you just have to have a little fun in life and let go.



She is and always will be my Aunt TT....... </3  My heart is breaking.  Mostly for her and the fact that she has no visitors...none.  It is sad that the end of her days and she will be spending them alone.   

Le' Sigh!

I am not quite sure that I am "normal"! 

Sure I have a family, dogs, cat, even horses, but does that mean that I am "normal"?

Me like most people wonder stuff.  Kids wonder stuff like 'Why is the sky blue' and 'why is the grass green' but as adults we know the answer to those questions.  I wonder more strange things like is there really life out there?  Do we really go to Heaven or Hell?  Even stuff like why on earth do we as humans have eyebrows?


Do you know any of the answers to those questions?  I mean really know the answer not just what you were told.  I mean really think about it!  If there is life out there do you think we would know about it by now?  Do they really 'visit' us while we sleep?  Why do they wait for us to sleep, come on over why I am awake so I can see your strange ass!  Poke and prod me, Um no thanks! 

Heaven and Hell?  Who's to say that we don't just die?  What if when we die we are just really disappointed because we just stay here?  What if we don't go anywhere we just cease to exist?  I know if you believe in God you should already know the answer to this but haven't you ever doubted that this is what really happens?

What about words?  You know like languages?  Who in the hell sat there one day and said "No I will not grunt anymore when I want something!  From now on I will talk!"  "This will be a wheel and fire and rock and etc......."  Who did that?  They must have been really hated by their community being a smart ass and all! 

If you can or want to try and answer that questions please feel free to comment below!  I would love someone else's perspective on this! 

If you have a question you want answered Lets hear it!!!!!!