Showing posts with label lots of sighs. Show all posts
Showing posts with label lots of sighs. Show all posts

Saturday, October 18, 2014

Compassion, here? Pfft! Please...


There is so much that has been going on in my life that I have just now realized that I have been neglecting y’all.  I am so very sorry.  Well ok only kinda sorry.  I have a life too y’all. 

So I had a job at a domestic violence shelter and I loved it.  I got that job back in November of last year.  About  the same time I stopped writing y’all.  I really needed that job.  Don’t know if you all know this about me but I am a survivor of Domestic Violence and this job really hit home.  That is another story. 

 

Now seeing that I was working for a DV shelter I saw a lot of stuff and most of that is with the staff.  Yes there were times that a woman and her kids came in and I was beside myself upset about what had happened to them.  I can’t discuss that one; but the things that I am referring to is the fact that the staff there are horrible.  They don’t know how to treat people in general much less a woman that was being abused for god knows how long.  At times I wanted to scream at them that they are human too!!!   They thought that just because a woman didn’t do her chore on time she should potentially get a “write up” that might cause her to have to leave the shelter and possibly live on the street until she could find somewhere else to go.  That isn’t right, I don’t care who you are or what you are trying to prove.  Everyone needs a little sway every now and then.  That’s not to say that if you come in drunk or high and decide that you want to sit there and cuss me out or threaten me or my family with harm that I am not going to get you out of there as soon as I can; but if you come in drunk or high and go to your room to sleep it off and come to speak with me the next day about it I will let it slid the first time.  Everyone makes a mistake or two, we are all human.  Imagine how boring life would be if we all followed the rules all the time.   With all that said, and all that always happening, I stayed.  I stayed because they needed me.  They needed someone that was on their side in there, someone that would stand up for them in their time of need, someone that would stand there and listen when they needed it or give them advice if they wanted it or maybe just a hug.  Sometimes you just need a hug, or to cry, or scream, or maybe just laugh.  I wanted to know that at least they had someone. 

 

Before then, I had never contacted anyone outside of the shelter.  I was told that it wasn’t allowed and that I would lose my job.  Then I heard of one of the girls that I worked with inviting one of the clients to live with her for a while.  She still has her job and doesn’t do a damn thing to keep it.   The breaking point of all of it for me was when I was in Galveston, on September 22nd, and received a call that one of the ladies and her 3 kids; ages 2, 1, and 4 months; were kicked out because she had failed to complete her chore on time and was unable to call to let someone know because she had no phone with her.  She was asked to leave on Saturday before, and had been out since then.  That was it!  I asked the girl that had called me if the client had called since then.  No she had not called and no one has heard anything from her and no one has tried to call her either.  I didn’t bother asking her why no one has called her I just asked for her number.  A couple of minutes after that I called the client to make sure that she was ok and had a place to stay.  That is when she told me that in fact she and the kids had spent the last 2 nights in her truck and that she was going to be doing that again tonight, because when she left they had not given her any numbers for other shelters that she could call.  I was livid!!!  Why do they do this?!  How can they knowingly kick out a woman and her 3 babies and not give her at least a sheet of paper with numbers to other shelters!!!  That is the moment that I knew that I had to really start doing something actively to help these women or no one else would.  I took it upon myself to call around to other shelters and look for her another place to go.  I called 9 shelters that night and spoke to several others that were at the conference with me the next day.  It took me 2 days to find her a place to go.  That was 2 days that she slept in her car with her kids.  2 fucking days!!!!!  This could have been avoided if the shelter staff were a little more compassionate! 

 

So on October 7th right after a confidential staff meeting, I was called into the caseworker’s office.  I was then told that on September 29th I broke confidentiality when I contacted the client, and that I was being let go.  Yep, she told me that another staff member called her and told her that I had called the shelter to specifically ask for that clients number and take her food and diapers.  Then, as I was about to leave, the Executive Director, who was also in the room while I was being fired, stopped me and asked me if I would like to tell them anything or any names that have also broken the rules.  REALLY!!!  YOU WANT TO ASK ME THAT QUESTION AFTER YOU HAVE ALREADY FIRED ME!!!???  I looked her square in the face and said, “Why in the fuck would I tell you a fucking thing, it’s not like it is going to get me my job back!  Fuck y’all!” Pfft like I would tell them any motherfuckin thing!  So now that I have been fired, and don’t have a job, guess I can say whatever I want, right?  So I want someone to explain to me how one of the staff members that still has a job can have 2 CPS cases and has had a police report filed on her for “spanking” two kids in the daycare of the shelter.  How many asses do you have to kiss to keep your job after that one?  How about the staff member that verbally abuses the other staff members on her shift and makes the workplace hostile, or the one that yells and takes food from the children if they are caught eating after 9:30 in the morning?  I lost my job for helping a woman and her kids find a safe place to sleep.  I have so much more to say on this topic but it will have to be another day because Mert is looking at me wondering what is taking me so long…


<3 y’all and would love some feedback on this one.

Tuesday, January 28, 2014

All over the place....

Ok so I am home today with the kids because of the "winter weather alert" <---pfft!  They are smoking crack or something.  The most I see is a little sleet on the trucks.  Nothing sticking on the ground or the stairs or even the windows.

                                     What the hell people!!

 You cancel school, close all the buildings, shit down streets, and for what?!  Some cold freakin rain!!!  It is barely in the 20's!!

 I am really pissed y'all.  What the hell am I supposed to do with these little sh--darlins all day?  I believe that Patti over at Insane in the mom brain suggested Benadryl at one point, or was that for sex?  Who cares!  I am protesting winter!!  I will not take it anymore.  Texas is not one that needs this shit!!!  Pack your shit and GTFO mother nature!!!

All I gotta say is the next time the school is closed because of the 'winter weather' they can suck my balls!!!  I am gonna send them anyways!!

I know I have been MIA for a while, and well honestly I just haven't been in the mood to write.  I feel let down here lately.  I think women suck balls or I am just not made for friends.  I don't know.

What is the saying about if you change people, and things are still the same, it must be you; or some shit like that.  Yep must be me that is making things difficult.  I don't know.  I feel like I am a hard person to like, but an easy person to love if that makes sense.

I have 'friends' I guess but we don't speak that much.  I feel like a therapist sometimes because I am there when 'people' need to vent to me or cry on my shoulder but it feels like I don't have anyone most of the time.

Damn I am all over the place today.

Freakin kids need to go back to school!!!

Sunday, September 1, 2013

Two for one is not always cool.

I feel like I have been socked in the stomach.  You all know that my BFF is sick and I am totally afraid of losing her.  Now it has finally hit me that I am not only going to lose her but I am also losing my Aunt.

Tina and her Mean doggy


 I love my aunt as much as I love my mom.
 She was the fun aunt.
 She was the one that you would go to if you were in trouble or wanted to get into trouble.

I was asked today by my mom if I could go with her and find something that we can lay her to "sleep" in forever.  She kinda caught me off guard.  Isn't that something that her son is supposed to do?  I am going to have to help my mom and my grandma plan a funeral for a daughter, sister, mom, aunt, and friend to so many.  So many that haven't seen her since she got sick.

My husband asked me tonight why we were having a closed casket?  Well because if someone wanted to see her they should have given her the respect to see her now when it counts.  I for one don't want people coming in and gawking at her when she is finally at peace.  No one goes to see her now.  My mom, my grandma, me, and sometimes when he can my uncle.  Her son has came down to see her twice in two years.  He doesn't care about anything but getting his grubby little hands on what she has left.

My Aunt Tina and Cousin Kelly.
I don't know if I will be able to do any of this sober.  I pray that I can but as I write this I am falling apart.  I am so very scared of losing her and T.G. at the same time.  I don't think that as strong of a person that I am that I will be ok after that.

My aunt when I was around 16 thought that it would be funny to come up to my cousin's room with some wild turkey and give me and Christi a shot of it.  Wow that was some nasty shit.  She was also the one that let me stay with her during the summer of 94' when I went to band camp at SFA.  If she wouldn't have let me stay with her I wouldn't have been able to go.  Thank you TT for being there for me and showing me that sometimes you just have to have a little fun in life and let go.



She is and always will be my Aunt TT....... </3  My heart is breaking.  Mostly for her and the fact that she has no visitors...none.  It is sad that the end of her days and she will be spending them alone.   

Wednesday, June 12, 2013

Me and my Crazy ass Family............

This is a guest blog.....She needed to rant for a minute and maybe get some feedback......Maybe she will be a regular here... 

OK so my family is selfish and self centered to a point that I do not understand. The day that my husband gets out of the hospital I beg him to go down to help my parents move, because none of my other siblings are helping them. We go down to find that there is not even anything packed and that the house is gross to he point you want to vomit, because no one has done anything there in months.

Now keep in mind that there are 4 adults and a baby living there(my parents and my sister her man and their child). They have known for well over a month that the moving day was coming, and yet no one has made any attempt to do anything!

Anyways, we bust our asses for like 7 hours to make a dent in this fucking mess, and realize its almost 10pm. My boys are tired, hungry, and way past ready to go home. Time for us to leave we go out to the car, and the mother fucker will not start, JUST GREAT!!! We are stranded!

So we go to the new trailer, and make a deal that would eventually start the fight of the century.

Since my father owns a shop we ask him to fix the car, and that we would stay and help him. Wednesday morning we get up, and it's this, that, and the other helping my father.  About 5 pm they go and get the bracket for the alternator just to find out that it also needs another alternator (which will have to wait until Thursday now because its so late). So we continue to work on getting my parents moved, and our son goes into complete meltdown mode because he is tired of being in ass raping country with nothing to do. I call my biological mom to see if he can go stay with her until the car is fixed and we get back home. By now I have three rooms completely done! (well not cleaned but packed and emptied) can't really do anymore at this point because my mom has her room to do, and my sisters nasty fucking room that I refuse to touch! Thursday comes around and more moving and packing and this, that, and the other, they get the part for the car around 4pm, and realize that they need another bolt...oHMG are you kidding me? So we continue to work; all the while my diabetic husband hasn't had a descent meal in days because the gas is not hooked up to cook... so he is pretty  much an ass at this point. Thursday, Friday same shit Saturday. By that time my husband has had it, so I tell him to head home and get our son I would finish there and they could come back and get me early Sunday morning.

I was at the trailer waiting on my father and working around my sisters shit. In the meantime my other sister showed up acting like she was a hard ass and in charge of everything! Um no bitch, I do not think so, I have been here for days doing this shit and she was not about to come in and tell me what to do! Well, when my father decided to show up we got into an argument because I was tired by this point of working around my sisters shit. My other sister and I decided to say fuck it; went into the room from hell, and went to town. Weeks of fucking dirty ass diapers and ash trays and just filth!! Disgusting! I do not see how anyone can live like that let alone keep a child in that environment!

During all this fucking insanity, another scenario....my moms mom bought all her grandchildren porcelain dolls named after them, that have been in my mothers possession since her mom passed away. I didn't get one because I came into the picture after she had passed away. So over the years, my mother had collected other dolls, that she said I could have after she was gone. That is not the point, the point is she had decided to give my siblings their dolls, and I had asked her if I could have mine too, she said yes, but by the end of the night she had asked if she could keep mine until she was gone because she loved the dolls.
                  Do you have any clue how that made me feel?

Out of all my siblings I am probably the only one that will cherish and take care of the dolls. Whatever, I was selfish and didn't give them back. To top that off I had asked my father if I could have the cabinet in my moms room, he said I had to ask my mom, so I did and she said she didn't care. When I was ready to load my stuff up to get ready to go, my father said that he wanted that cabinet, and the only way I could keep it was to trade him my recliner. Seriously!  Are you kidding me?! I have been here for days and busted my ass to help and you are going to come at me like that with some dumb shit!!!  WTF?

Last but not least during this whole horrible fucking week I sold my father my bed that is well worth over a grand... I sold it to him for furnishing the work that needs done on the car and 100 cash. I called him today because I really need the money,  and he proceeds to tell me that I cant have the money because he has to help my one sister pay her $450 gas bill. That, by the way, has been disconnected. 

I am so pissed right now!
I wish he would step back and look at all the shit I have done for him this week!

Monday, May 13, 2013

My Mommy's day experience. . . . . . . . . . . .

Hi y'all....Happy Monday to you! 

       How was your mommy's day?  Mine was horrid!!  The worst!!  Why well keep reading.....

It started out great, I woke up at around 9ish and sat down and drank my coffee in the peace and quiet of my living room.  I then got up and texted a few people happy mommy's day, called my MIL and my mom to wish them the same.  The kids and the Hubs rose and so we started our day.  I was asked by the hubs what I wanted to do today, -->this crossed my mind (The same thing we do every -mother's day- try and take over the world)  Go to the beach!!!    I want to go to the beach!  So we all got our swim suits on and then #1 strikes....

         Bear- Dad I started my period.
         Dad- ok
         Bear- the sharks will get me
         Me- (rolls eyes) Let's go!!

We head out after getting what few things we need packed.  (sample) ---> 4 towels, sunscreen (no one used)  nook, phone, sun glasses, and swim trunks for the boys. 

Stop at McD's for lunch and we are off.....We get about 20 miles or so from McD's and BOOM traffic!  *sigh*  Ok well it's ok.  I tell the large one that we are not in any hurry so chill!  (noon-ish)

About 2-ish we are still in said traffic and he is flipped his lid about 3 times....*sigh*  Traffic clears and we are off.....We make it to the beach at about 2:30pm, it isn't too full.....Just right......Bear informs her 'daddy' that she has to poop. . . . . WTF!!  We just left town . . . . . We just stopped at a Sonic so I could Pee before we came out to the beach why didn't you go there! ? ! ? ! 

Me being the parent says "ok lets just take her to the port-a-potty so she can go" because now she has informed me that she needs to change her *clears throat* lady thing too...

My husband on the other hand. . . ."No I will dig a hole and we will shield her because now I have to go too so you can shield me later" W T F ! ! !   "NO!!  WE WILL GO INTO TOWN!!!"

He is digging hole!  I just walked away....*sigh*  Why does this shit happen to me?  <--No pun intended. . . .   did I get an apology?  PFFT NO...  I was pissed at the both because we had 'neighbors' all around us and they know what is going on if someone makes a 'tent' against a truck.  uuggghhghghg!!  

OH and to top it off on the way home...yep you guessed it traffic again!!

How was your mommy's day?