The other "GIRL"

So I just wanted to start out by saying hello, I am a 35 year old woman, that hasn’t lived under the same roof as her parents for about 15+ years.  Now with that out of the way let me clear the air a little bit…

I am not the person that you want to come up to and give a command.  For instance,  you need to not speak to *** because *** isn’t right for you.  ß that right there will make me have *** become my BFF forEVER!!!  Just so you know.  My mom is quite demanding when it come to me, or better yet when it comes to her “sons” that aren’t really hers.  So my step brother decided a long while ago that he was going to do the “manly” thing and marry the girl that he got pregnant.  Well I thought that was the wrong choice but he thought better of it and married her and they had a cute little family, whom I adore.  Those girls are my nieces by every since of the word except by blood.  I love those girls and would gladly take them in if anything were to ever happen to their parents.  Well my “brother” screwed up and cheated on his now wife with a girl that he went to school with.  His wife the whole time being faithful.  

With that being said she did have a problem and was very sexual torwards everyone that she knew.  She would grab your boobs, slap your ass, lick your face, and so on and so on.  He, for some reason, felt the need to start seeing another ‘Girl’ while still married and living together.  I just want to make sure that we all know that he was in the wrong here because it will relate to the rest of the story…

He left eventually for the new ‘Girl’.  She was not and is not a woman because a woman would never steal another woman’s man.   He filed for divorce and moved back home to my mom’s and his dad’s, still seeing this ‘girl’ on the sly…or so he thought.   He received his divorce with a few stipulations…these are the one’s that I know about…

1. The girls cannot be around any felons that they know of…(that means if one of them are going to a function and knowingly bring the girls that is a no-no)

2. Both have to wait at least 12 months to move in with a person of  interest…(The ‘girl’ that he was cheating with cannot live with him for at least 12 months after the divorce)

Those are the 2 major ones that we are going to focus on here…

1. Felons- He has took those girls around felons from day one and the ex didn’t know about it.  **shame shame*  See his whole family is a giant felony record, especially his brother who cannot stay out of jail for longer than 6 months.  ** I am taking bets BTW of how long this stay is going to be if anyone wants in**

2. Live ins-Oh I know that she was “staying in your room with you every night from day one.  Ex knows this too.  Just a friendly FYI ;)

I don’t ‘feed’ anyone information and they day you start to accuse me of it is the day I will start.  I don’t play.  I may be the “step-sister” of the “man” but I will be damned if you speak my name as a lie!!!  If I wanted to tell anyone anything you can bet your FLAT ASS that I would!  I don’t like you nor will I ever like you!  You to me are an adulterer and will always be no matter if you marry him or not!  You have a question ask me!  Don’t whisper it behind my back and then get me and my mother into an argument in the department store because of it!  I am a grown woman with my own thought and wants and doings do not EVER  think that you are big enough to tell me who I can speak with.  Bitch please!!!

NOTE:  If you think this is about you then it probably is....

Two for one is not always cool.

I feel like I have been socked in the stomach.  You all know that my BFF is sick and I am totally afraid of losing her.  Now it has finally hit me that I am not only going to lose her but I am also losing my Aunt.

Tina and her Mean doggy

 I love my aunt as much as I love my mom.
 She was the fun aunt.
 She was the one that you would go to if you were in trouble or wanted to get into trouble.

I was asked today by my mom if I could go with her and find something that we can lay her to "sleep" in forever.  She kinda caught me off guard.  Isn't that something that her son is supposed to do?  I am going to have to help my mom and my grandma plan a funeral for a daughter, sister, mom, aunt, and friend to so many.  So many that haven't seen her since she got sick.

My husband asked me tonight why we were having a closed casket?  Well because if someone wanted to see her they should have given her the respect to see her now when it counts.  I for one don't want people coming in and gawking at her when she is finally at peace.  No one goes to see her now.  My mom, my grandma, me, and sometimes when he can my uncle.  Her son has came down to see her twice in two years.  He doesn't care about anything but getting his grubby little hands on what she has left.

My Aunt Tina and Cousin Kelly.

I don't know if I will be able to do any of this sober.  I pray that I can but as I write this I am falling apart.  I am so very scared of losing her and T.G. at the same time.  I don't think that as strong of a person that I am that I will be ok after that.

My aunt when I was around 16 thought that it would be funny to come up to my cousin's room with some wild turkey and give me and Christi a shot of it.  Wow that was some nasty shit.  She was also the one that let me stay with her during the summer of 94' when I went to band camp at SFA.  If she wouldn't have let me stay with her I wouldn't have been able to go.  Thank you TT for being there for me and showing me that sometimes you just have to have a little fun in life and let go.



She is and always will be my Aunt TT....... </3  My heart is breaking.  Mostly for her and the fact that she has no visitors...none.  It is sad that the end of her days and she will be spending them alone.   

Ohio Part 3.....

This week we visit with my sister and her husband. yay...

Can I just say that although I love my sister I probably will never go to visit with her again. 

I went up there on a budget, very strict budget that they knew about.  Yet I was still expected to purchase everything that we would be eating for the week.  Like milk and bottled water.  Then when we went out to eat I also had to purchase that.  So needless to say we didn't go anywhere because I didn't have the money to do so. 

I had a blast hanging out with my sister and my newest nephew though. 








We took a lot of really cute photo's of him but they sleep all the time, because, well,  he is new and he sleeps a lot so Booboo sleeps with him.......


We did go to Pennsylvania one day to go and see some fish but as soon as we crossed the Pa. Oh border it started to rain, hard, so we came back and went to the in-laws to watch a Browns game.

On our way!!

 
 Of course Matty falls asleep as soon as we get into the car...

On the second to last day we were there we became awesome like auntie and I had to take a few pictures.....


All in all I had fun.  On the way back in Tenn, where by the way they should clean up their highways, we hit a large piece of metal in the road and hurt my truck.  I didn't think that we would make it home, but we did where my husband and animals were happy to see me and my daughter was happy to see her bubba!!!  I would highly recommend you taking at least one road trip with one, just one of your kids to get to know them.  We had fun just the two of us....maybe I will do it again next year but with bear........

Me and my Crazy ass Family............

This is a guest blog.....She needed to rant for a minute and maybe get some feedback......Maybe she will be a regular here... 

OK so my family is selfish and self centered to a point that I do not understand. The day that my husband gets out of the hospital I beg him to go down to help my parents move, because none of my other siblings are helping them. We go down to find that there is not even anything packed and that the house is gross to he point you want to vomit, because no one has done anything there in months.

Now keep in mind that there are 4 adults and a baby living there(my parents and my sister her man and their child). They have known for well over a month that the moving day was coming, and yet no one has made any attempt to do anything!

Anyways, we bust our asses for like 7 hours to make a dent in this fucking mess, and realize its almost 10pm. My boys are tired, hungry, and way past ready to go home. Time for us to leave we go out to the car, and the mother fucker will not start, JUST GREAT!!! We are stranded!

So we go to the new trailer, and make a deal that would eventually start the fight of the century.

Since my father owns a shop we ask him to fix the car, and that we would stay and help him. Wednesday morning we get up, and it's this, that, and the other helping my father.  About 5 pm they go and get the bracket for the alternator just to find out that it also needs another alternator (which will have to wait until Thursday now because its so late). So we continue to work on getting my parents moved, and our son goes into complete meltdown mode because he is tired of being in ass raping country with nothing to do. I call my biological mom to see if he can go stay with her until the car is fixed and we get back home. By now I have three rooms completely done! (well not cleaned but packed and emptied) can't really do anymore at this point because my mom has her room to do, and my sisters nasty fucking room that I refuse to touch! Thursday comes around and more moving and packing and this, that, and the other, they get the part for the car around 4pm, and realize that they need another bolt...oHMG are you kidding me? So we continue to work; all the while my diabetic husband hasn't had a descent meal in days because the gas is not hooked up to cook... so he is pretty  much an ass at this point. Thursday, Friday same shit Saturday. By that time my husband has had it, so I tell him to head home and get our son I would finish there and they could come back and get me early Sunday morning.

I was at the trailer waiting on my father and working around my sisters shit. In the meantime my other sister showed up acting like she was a hard ass and in charge of everything! Um no bitch, I do not think so, I have been here for days doing this shit and she was not about to come in and tell me what to do! Well, when my father decided to show up we got into an argument because I was tired by this point of working around my sisters shit. My other sister and I decided to say fuck it; went into the room from hell, and went to town. Weeks of fucking dirty ass diapers and ash trays and just filth!! Disgusting! I do not see how anyone can live like that let alone keep a child in that environment!

During all this fucking insanity, another scenario....my moms mom bought all her grandchildren porcelain dolls named after them, that have been in my mothers possession since her mom passed away. I didn't get one because I came into the picture after she had passed away. So over the years, my mother had collected other dolls, that she said I could have after she was gone. That is not the point, the point is she had decided to give my siblings their dolls, and I had asked her if I could have mine too, she said yes, but by the end of the night she had asked if she could keep mine until she was gone because she loved the dolls.
                  Do you have any clue how that made me feel?

Out of all my siblings I am probably the only one that will cherish and take care of the dolls. Whatever, I was selfish and didn't give them back. To top that off I had asked my father if I could have the cabinet in my moms room, he said I had to ask my mom, so I did and she said she didn't care. When I was ready to load my stuff up to get ready to go, my father said that he wanted that cabinet, and the only way I could keep it was to trade him my recliner. Seriously!  Are you kidding me?! I have been here for days and busted my ass to help and you are going to come at me like that with some dumb shit!!!  WTF?

Last but not least during this whole horrible fucking week I sold my father my bed that is well worth over a grand... I sold it to him for furnishing the work that needs done on the car and 100 cash. I called him today because I really need the money,  and he proceeds to tell me that I cant have the money because he has to help my one sister pay her $450 gas bill. That, by the way, has been disconnected. 

I am so pissed right now!
I wish he would step back and look at all the shit I have done for him this week!

My Mommy's day experience. . . . . . . . . . . .

Hi y'all....Happy Monday to you! 

       How was your mommy's day?  Mine was horrid!!  The worst!!  Why well keep reading.....

It started out great, I woke up at around 9ish and sat down and drank my coffee in the peace and quiet of my living room.  I then got up and texted a few people happy mommy's day, called my MIL and my mom to wish them the same.  The kids and the Hubs rose and so we started our day.  I was asked by the hubs what I wanted to do today, -->this crossed my mind (The same thing we do every -mother's day- try and take over the world)  Go to the beach!!!    I want to go to the beach!  So we all got our swim suits on and then #1 strikes....

         Bear- Dad I started my period.
         Dad- ok
         Bear- the sharks will get me
         Me- (rolls eyes) Let's go!!

We head out after getting what few things we need packed.  (sample) ---> 4 towels, sunscreen (no one used)  nook, phone, sun glasses, and swim trunks for the boys. 

Stop at McD's for lunch and we are off.....We get about 20 miles or so from McD's and BOOM traffic!  *sigh*  Ok well it's ok.  I tell the large one that we are not in any hurry so chill!  (noon-ish)

About 2-ish we are still in said traffic and he is flipped his lid about 3 times....*sigh*  Traffic clears and we are off.....We make it to the beach at about 2:30pm, it isn't too full.....Just right......Bear informs her 'daddy' that she has to poop. . . . . WTF!!  We just left town . . . . . We just stopped at a Sonic so I could Pee before we came out to the beach why didn't you go there! ? ! ? ! 

Me being the parent says "ok lets just take her to the port-a-potty so she can go" because now she has informed me that she needs to change her *clears throat* lady thing too...

My husband on the other hand. . . ."No I will dig a hole and we will shield her because now I have to go too so you can shield me later" W T F ! ! !   "NO!!  WE WILL GO INTO TOWN!!!"

He is digging hole!  I just walked away....*sigh*  Why does this shit happen to me?  <--No pun intended. . . .   did I get an apology?  PFFT NO...  I was pissed at the both because we had 'neighbors' all around us and they know what is going on if someone makes a 'tent' against a truck.  uuggghhghghg!!  

OH and to top it off on the way home...yep you guessed it traffic again!!

How was your mommy's day?

My name is Dawna and this is my story...

When I was asked to write this, I didn't have to think twice about it. The first answer that came to mind was absolutely, yes I will, but before I do so, it needs to be said that mental disorders or diseases of the mind are no more shameful than diseases of the heart, the lungs or any other organ of the body. They are just harder to comprehend, even by those of us who suffer from them. 

My name is Dawna LeMay and ten years ago I was diagnosed with PTSD, Bipolar Disorder, Generalized Anxiety and OCD.

The first thing you need to know, is that I never would have taken the first step to see a psychiatrist to

get a diagnosis if it wasn't for the fact that I had a 4 year old son at the time and it was about 6 weeks after the death of my mother, who I had cared for, for four years. He was doing some silly thing that 4 year olds do and it was just more than I could take at that moment, and I sat on the staircase, literally ripping hair out of my head,crying and repeating, "I hate you, I hate you, I hate you." Words my son doesn't remember, but I will never forget. That even at this moment bring tears to my eyes.

Over the next year I went through extensive therapy, covering everything from sexual abuse by an uncle, a brother and a family friend, to the sometimes abominable way my own mother treated me and disrespected me growing up, causing me to question her love, almost right up until her dying day. An abusive relationship in my teens and a close call in my twenties...the cherry on top being in the position of playing 24 hour caregiver to the woman I still wasn't entirely sure loved me, but was certain that this was the one way of earning that love. Watching her slowly die for 36 months, spending long days in hospitals and longer nights at home struggling with whether I hoped she lived or died. I suppose you can understand where the PTSD comes in now?


Now, put that PTSD on top of some Bipolar. (Which is a condition both of my parents were diagnosed with. My father, back in the day when it was still called "manic depression" and my mother in her early 40's) I was told I was "rapid cycling." If you ask my son what that means, he will tell you that it means: "You'll be having a really funny conversation with her in the kitchen and she'll be making up her hilarious lyrics to songs while she's making dinner and by the time you're finished eating she will be sitting alone and want nothing to do with anyone." Yeah...that's rapid.

 I have been out of therapy and off medication for 8 years. A year after my mother passed and I had gotten myself more together, I moved with my son to CT to live with his dad and we finally got married. I weened myself off my meds and thought everything was going to be fine, since I was removed from all the things that were "triggers" for me.


However, over the course of the last several months I had begun to notice myself having less and less of my "highs" and they didn't last as long. My "lows" were coming more often and lasting longer. I was drinking more often (which was a big red flag for me, because I am a BIG TIME self medicator!!) On "Ash Wednesday" I went to the psychiatrist. On "Good Friday" I had my last drink
and on my grandfather's birthday (god rest his soul) I began trying to put my life together once again.
It is very important for people to know that there are so many places out there to get support. With todays technology you just type in the word and you have thousands of links to choose from!

If you suspect that someone you know is in trouble, talk to them, maybe you can encourage them to seek help, or even convince them to talk to their primary care physician who could advise them. Mental illness doesn't just go away over time (as I am finding out). Mental illness is very serious and very seriously overlooked. Many times because there are still so many who attach such a stigma to it.

I was asked if I wanted to post anonymously and I said that anonymity didn't matter to me. Helping matters. I don't care if my name is attached to it or not. But, if it isn't attached, I don't want anyone to think it's out of shame. I am very proud of everything that makes me who I am, including my struggles. Without my struggles, you wouldn't recognize my triumphs. <3 

 

 

FAMILY

Family is a funny thing, isn’t it?

Some love you so much that you feel they are smothering you…

Some could care less if you fell from a bridge a week ago and they haven’t heard from you!

Mine is a little mixed…

My family could care less about one another is the way I feel most of the time.  Some of that could be the depression talking but most of it is true.  I have a strange family.  The last time we were al together my sister refused to talk to my grandma because she couldn’t fly to Ohio for her wedding.  I on the other hand have started talking to my whole family again and you really couldn’t even tell.  I feel like no one really cares about me.  I feel like if I were to pass away tomorrow the only ones that would morn my death would be my husband and my kids.  Let me tell you a little bit…..

 

(NOTICE)  THE FOLLOWING WILL GET ME YELLED AT IF EVER SEEN BY MY MOTHER…

 

I have always felt like I was not loved.  My mother did not tell us she loved us until I was in my 30’s.  My mother blamed me for her depression after my dad was sent away.  Me, because I couldn’t stand living with my grandpa, and spent most of my time away from there.  She thinks that I should have spent every waking moment making sure she was ok.  I was 14.  I can remember standing at the screen door at maybe age 4 or 5 and crying because she left for work.  I can remember always feeling that I was adopted and the disappointment in finding out I wasn’t…ßsad right?  I don’t know why she was like this.  All I do know is I have fought tooth and nail to NOT be like her!!!  

She let her husband kick us out of our home of 7 years because he needed an office…I didn’t speak to her for 3 years after that.  Then the Charlie thing happened and I thought “GOD, why did I come back!!!”  While I was mad at her my grandma said some things that she will deny till the day she dies and I missed my Aunt Jackie’s Funeral…L   ß  I miss her! 

 

On the other hand my MIL smothers us.  She bought us a house…ßgreat right ‘sigh’…I wish.  She bought it so we could stay next to her F-O-R-E-V-E-R!  J  She isn’t so bad (most of the time) ….

 

I am posting all of this because my sister is Pregnant.  She went to find the sex today.  She hasn’t called me yet.  HER MIL POSTED THE SEX ON FB!  I am just a depressed bitch is all.  Believe it or not I am not even PMSing!  Lol….. 

Le' Sigh!

I am not quite sure that I am "normal"! 

Sure I have a family, dogs, cat, even horses, but does that mean that I am "normal"?

Me like most people wonder stuff.  Kids wonder stuff like 'Why is the sky blue' and 'why is the grass green' but as adults we know the answer to those questions.  I wonder more strange things like is there really life out there?  Do we really go to Heaven or Hell?  Even stuff like why on earth do we as humans have eyebrows?


Do you know any of the answers to those questions?  I mean really know the answer not just what you were told.  I mean really think about it!  If there is life out there do you think we would know about it by now?  Do they really 'visit' us while we sleep?  Why do they wait for us to sleep, come on over why I am awake so I can see your strange ass!  Poke and prod me, Um no thanks! 

Heaven and Hell?  Who's to say that we don't just die?  What if when we die we are just really disappointed because we just stay here?  What if we don't go anywhere we just cease to exist?  I know if you believe in God you should already know the answer to this but haven't you ever doubted that this is what really happens?

What about words?  You know like languages?  Who in the hell sat there one day and said "No I will not grunt anymore when I want something!  From now on I will talk!"  "This will be a wheel and fire and rock and etc......."  Who did that?  They must have been really hated by their community being a smart ass and all! 

If you can or want to try and answer that questions please feel free to comment below!  I would love someone else's perspective on this! 

If you have a question you want answered Lets hear it!!!!!!

Good morning PMS'er

Have you ever woke up and known that today was gonna be the day that nothing was going to go right?  Well guess what today was! Today was that day!

I woke up to Mert being a pissy bitch in the living room about god knows what.  He does that every now and then I usually just stay away from him. Ya know it is kinda like when us lady's are having a PMS moment. So I go in there to make my coffee and notice that he has taken it upon himself to take out the sausage and eggs so that I would see them. Okay well I guess I will make breakfast since you don't know how and the kids sure as hell are NOT going to do it!  Bamm! Breakfast is making, sausage is done and on the plate, I am trying to do the eggs and butter the toast and wash the dishes and he thinks that he is just going to waltz over here and steal a sausage. His hands I notice are empty so I am thinking 'Where in the fuck did he put it!' then I notice it, he has a stain in his pants that wasn't there earlier. That MF'er he put it in his pocket!!!  OMG!!!  Take that shit out of your pocket and put it on the damn plate!!! Geez!

So I thought hell no I am not putting up with him today; I will go and clean my grandma's house (she is very sick and is unable to clean anymore so I do it for her).  I gather everything that I am going to need to do my job and I go to leave and bubba comes running out of the door yelling "Grandma doesn't wanna mess with cleaning today, but she says that you can still come over."  sigh Great!  I think 'ya know what I am gonna act like I didn't get the message and go over there to clean.'  Nope she meets me at the door as I get there and tells me that she doesn't wanna do that today and lets just have a visit.  3 1/2 hours later I leave and head home...Wow my day was boring! 

Did you see my post from yesterday? Now that shit was funny!

Bye Y'all

Kids

Oh hey, I decided that instead of washing clothes or cleaning my house I would sit on my ass and write to all of you out there in www land. 

So let me just say that I am thinking about getting my daughter a Chasity belt.  She, as far as I know, isn't having sex yet, but I would rather do that now than raise my daughter baby while she finishes high school and college.  There will be some judging me saying "Well if you do this or do that your just telling her it is ok as long as________" No that is not what I am doing at all.  I am simply taking in the fact that children, and that is what they are until oh I don't know like 25, most likely won't stop in the middle of fondling each other to say "Hey do you have a condom?" Oh how do I know that you ask?  Well because I have been that child in the middle of doing my thing that went straight from the rubbing and touching to the sex and a condom never crossed my mind.  Hence why I had a baby when I was 17 and dropped out of high school!  Come on get real, I mean seriously, how many times during high school did you have sex?  Ok now how many of those times did you stop right before and say hummm...maybe we should stop right here and put on protection.  Yeah not very many!  All I am saying is wouldn't you rather have your daughter or boyfriends girlfriend on some type of birth control so you are 99.999% sure that you won't have a grandchild until they are happily married and living on their own and supporting themselves?  I know I sure as hell would.  I think it would be great when they finally figure out how to do a BC for guys too that way it will be 100% effective for both parties involved in the sex!  How great that would be.  Then it wouldn't be the babies and diseases that we would have to worry about, just the diseases.  Yep that would be great!  

Ok I will step down from my soap box for today!

HI

Hey you guys...I have decided to start writing in my blog again so I can keep y'all entertained!  yay!  Now don't get to excited because this isn't going to be an everyday thing may not even be a weekly thing, but I am here and I am writing.

I guess since I am starting this over again I will start off by telling you a little about me and my family!  Hi I am ~M~ or better known on Facebook as Psycho Bitch :).  I have a husband whom I lovingly refer to as Mert. We have 2 kids Bear my daughter who is so very close to being 15 and my sweet sweet son Bubba who is 11 going on 12 in June.  We have animals, oh do we have animals...we have 2 dogs Riley and Nash, a cat Calli, and 2 horses Max and Moonshine.  I have made it known that I would love to have another child in the future.  I probably won't but hey doesn't hurt to dream, right?!

Ok so let me tell you about my family. No not my kids and husband, how about my mom and her husband to start off :)  Your saying ok and, yeh well I love my mom dearly but I really hate dislike her husband strongly.  I have my reasons so lets list some of them shall we...

1. He is an ass
2. He is an indian giver (sorry don't know the correct term)
3. He literally took my home from me and my kids when I fell a month behind after us living there for over 6 years.
4. He sold the horse I was going to buy from him 2 weeks after I offered him $600 for only $350 :(
5. He lends his son $1800 for rent and doesn't ask for it back but I borrowed $50 for something and I had to pay it back the next week because he didn't have the money for gas!
Did I mention that he is an ass!
That is just a few things that he has done!

Ok well the following is what got me into trouble last time but lets try this again shall we...

The next paragraph is going to be about Merts family and the ups and downs of all of us. 

His family is something to cherish.  His Grandma is awsome. I love her to death, she is sweet, but speaks her mind.  She tries her best not to be hateful. That being said she misses her late husband alot and if you listen carefully you can hear her having conversations with him still every now and then.  His mom which is my MIL is a little (I believe) Bi-polar.  She says it is just menopause.  I think that she is a little twisted at times but hey who isn't.  I feel like she does stuff that she wants to do out of kindness but later when she wants something or if we get into a fight she will say "well I did _____ for you guys so you should do _______ for me"  ya know.  Her husband, Merts step-dad, is going looney, literally.  We all believe that he has either dimentia or alztimers.  Ha, his brother my EBIL thinks he is mr. high and mighty that can block people from Facebook whenever he gets pissed at you! PFFT WHAT THE F*** EVER. 

Ok so now that all of that is over you will know who in the hell I am talking about when I rant and vent about all things.  Oh BTW there will be cussing I will at times try and refrane but there will always be some.  Have a nice day and enjoy your kids.

Oh and if you haven't already go and like my Facebook Page
https://www.facebook.com/Somethintotalkabout?ref=hl  It is so worth it!